You know you are my first choice. You know that working for you is my childhood dream (which you cruelly let me glimpse for an instant last year before snatching it away again), and you know who I’d choose in an instant if it came down to you and the big G.

But Apple, you have to know that Bing is a huge joke. I know it’s not bad! I know it’s based on lots of research and works very well, sometimes providing “better” (more relevant/useful) results than the big G. However, between the name*, and the lowly schemes to get users to switch, you must understand how it is regarded in the industry compared with the big G’s sleek, minimal, iconic product.

I know you and big G have had your differences recently. And I suppose it was foolish of me to believe you two would last - everyone knows the two largest diamonds have to be across the store from each other, not side by side.

But honestly? If you use Bing as the next salvo in this growing feud, I might have to lose some respect for you. Buy Yahoo or something if you desperately feel the need to eschew the big G’s most famous and heavily used service, I guess. But Bing? Seriously? I get ActiveSync. I get Boot Camp. Both of the former allow you to sell more stuff to users of one hopelessly entrenched technology or another. But Bing isn’t anywhere near entrenched, and I see absolutely no reason why your bestselling smartphone platform should help it along. You’ve heard Ballmer talk shit about iPhone as recently as last year - you don’t think he’ll spin this as an MS victory as hard and as often as possible?

Your corporate culture and campus atmosphere are very different from that of the big G - I’m privileged to say I’ve sampled both for a day at a time, and think both are really cool. At the moment, of course, I think yours is better, but if it comes to involve parroting the company line about why the iPhone uses Bing? How embarassing. Count me out. When my school had beef with big G, they at least had the decency to sue them, rather than setting all the computers in the campus labs to Bing.

Also, I wonder if anything became of my last attempt to send an updated resumé? It’s not like I’ve gotten dumber or less experienced since the last time you were interested, nor have you gotten any poorer. Maybe you’ve just been busy, you know, making some new and revolutionary product flawless for a launch that’s coming, you know, soon. I hope it goes well.

Back to homework for me. Good night and good luck!

Love,

Ben

*I didn’t pay for my Wii, I won it. (It’s great, people have totally forgotten how ridiculous that name sounded just a few years ago)